“Now this story may not be entirely accurate, Sally, it may include some rumor and speculation, it may have a little added drama, or projection, or embellishments, you know, but here goes:

Once upon a time, Clay was putting together his new CD, which later became ATDW. He had gathered songs and worked on it for quite a while—certainly during all of 2005, and probably before then as well. He had a nice lady helping him named Jaymes Foster-Levy. They gathered songs from songwriters, and even had a songwriters’ conference, which some called a hoedown…..no, it wasn’t a dance, I don’t know why they called it that, but they had it. And then they got some more songs, and recorded lots and lots of them, and recorded some covers too -- that’s singing an old song, remember? And while they did that, Clay also put on his Juke Box Tour, and Jaymes rode along in the bus with him and they talked and planned, and mostly had a lot of fun, except she lost her Levy somewhere along the way (maybe it took up too much room on the bus, or maybe it flew out the window when they took a curve too fast).

So, after Clay had recorded enough songs for three or four albums (and was sure he didn’t need to record any more songs—that’s what his Mongolian polka remark meant), they were finally ready to get down to business ---CD business, that is. He and Jaymes tossed around different ideas for themes, put together some song lists, and then had a meeting with Clive Davis. Now, meeting with Clive has never been Clay’s favorite thing, but he thought Clive would be impressed with their work. But he was not. Not impressed. Clive, I mean, wasn’t thrilled with the CD they had planned. So after just a smidgen of polite talk and a spell of thinking, (they assumed Clive was thinking, although his thoughtful moments look awfully similar to his napping moments), Clive spoke. He said stuff like the songs didn’t showcase Clay’s voice, and the ones they chose didn’t make a cohesive whole, and where was his fresh coffee, and then he said he was interested in a couple of the songs—cover songs from the eighties. And he suggested going back in the studio and recording some more of those great eighties songs, and making a love song cover album.

Now I heard that a gnat flew in Clay’s mouth while he sat there with it open, reacting, but then again, Clay only talks about the nose-gnats, so I’m not sure about that part. In any case, it has been said that Clay was not. happy. NOT. HAPPY!. They talked, and argued, and bumped heads for a while, and I’ve heard that Clive mumbled things like “ballad boy,” “cash cow,” and “glory note” and something about boxes and pegs and holes. That part might not be true. And I’m not sure the reports of stacks of Rod Stewart and Barry Manilow CDs all around the table were true either. In any case, Clay was quiet for a bit as he considered the situation, then he said, quite firmly, “I respectfully decline, Sir.” He said it confidently because it had worked when he and Clive disagreed about the title MOAM. And he fully thought it would work again that day. After all, he had worked very hard on this CD, and he did not think love song covers was the direction to choose.

Well, after Clive quickly consulted his datebook to make sure it wasn’t still 2003, he gave Clay a very. displeased. look. Clay looked back at Clive with a pis…er, displeased expression too. And Clay and Clive had a stare-off for a while, then Clive seemed to be considering Clay’s wish. At one point his face softened a bit, and Clay thought he was going to agree, but it turned out he had dozed off again. However, he did appear to be receptive, and when Clay thought he was going to agree, a little smirk started playing on Clay’s lips. Jaymes quickly gave him a swift kick under the table, and Clay tried for a serious, angry look by thinking about past KFC experiences, and mics that didn’t work, and back up singers who walked out, but I bet Clive saw his earlier expression, and he said, emphatically, “No, you will do a cover album!” At which point, Clay said “will not” and Clive said “will too,” and Jaymes stood up, suggested that she and Clay have some time to think about it, and then they left.

Once out of the building, Clay said “fu.….er, forget that! I’m not giving in. I’ll just let Clive stew for a month or two.“ So he put all his energies into writing some Christmas vignettes, and came up with the JN 2005. Clay loved that tour. He loves Christmas music anyway, and he especially loved playing a magic “angel.” Why, he could control everyone and everything! The actors had to say his words and sing the songs he chose. He could “priiiing” anytime he pleased, and the actors had to stop what they were doing and start back when he chose, and turn or do whatever Clay wished. He could get others to dance, while he stood to the side and watched. He loved watching his subjects, er….his actors and dancers, and often nodded with agreement and pride or shook his head when the character was about to make a mistake. He was able to take a sad story and give it a happy ending. No, he didn’t mind that power at all! And then, when someone was getting a little bit too much attention and appreciation from the audience, Clay could step into the spotlight, sing a beautiful song, and wipe out all memory of what went before. Dam….er, darn, that man is good!”

“I know, Mom. I loved that show,” said Sally. “I did too,” agreed her mom. But, as the whole world knows, Clive, stewed or not stewed, did not change his mind. Yes, he pretended to let Clay win a battle by allowing covers of songs from the seventies and nineties too, and he begrudgingly did allow for a few original “gems,” but the basic premise stayed the same. However, I’m pretty sure the rumor that he changed his middle name to ‘cover’ is completely untrue.

“Oh, I love the CD,” declared the small girl. “Oh, so do I,” sighed her mother. “So do I.” “I think Clay really does have magic powers, Mom.” Her mother assured her that he was just a man, but inside, as visions swirled of the hair, the feet, the PANTS, the VOX, the wit, the intelligence, the heart, and his incredible magnetism, she thought, “you may be right!”