Okay, you know how people leave out milk and cookies for Santa? When I was little, I remember one year I tried to bribe Santa into leaving something really swell, like maybe a two wheeler.

So after my parents left out a nice big chocolate chip cookie and a glass of milk and then went to bed, I snuck into the living room and filled the plate with more cookies. Lots more.

I added some fig newtons I found too, and some potato chips and a strip of beef jerky that had been in my sock drawer for an emergency.

I woke up early the next morning, before everyone else and discovered that wonderfully, magically - Santa HAD eaten and drank everything. ... But then, quite apparently, he had made a doo-doo right next to the Christmas tree, threw up most of the cookies, and hawked up a big giant hairball too!

So I guess the moral of this story is that Santa did leave me something special... but I've never been able to look at him quite the same since.