Today I had a "pelvic sonogram". Now this is something I refuse to go through ever again. They make you drink about 400 ounces of water, so that your bladder is stretched into the size of one of those children's bouncy balls just like the one Clay bounced around on in that Nickelodeon U Pick Live Show. That's what it feels like is happening too, but not in a good way. Anyway, you have to carry your bladder in a wheelbarrow in front of you as you walk into the doctor's office. THEN, when you are in the exam room and laying down trying to think of NOT PEEING... they squirt HOT LIQUID on your lower belly! AND THEN they start rubbing this little handheld device all over the area, and you still have to NOT PEE! And they start pressing here and there and here again! And STILL you have to NOT PEE! It's like Torquemada thought this up! I swear! Well, long story short, I made it without peeing and then ran into the men's room (it was closer and I didn't give a sh*t who saw me either) and peed the best pee anyone ever peed.

The End.

Coming Soon: Yes, I still have that mammogram to go to!