Dear Jesus,

You know that ill-bred, unmannered, vulgar, uncommonly brutish slattern that everyone on the boards was talking about yesterday? (No, not Kathy Griffin, but thanks for the thought, LOL!) I meant the other one - 'the screamer' from Clay's Rochester Hills concert, who ruined ICMYLM for everyone. Well, I've come up with a plan for her, and you'll be happy to know it includes Kathy Griffin. As usual, so you won’t have to do so much, I’ve ironed out most of the details and I think I've come up with a solution that's a Win-Win for all concerned. All you have to do is make sure everyone is in the right place at the right time:

First, have 'the screamer' win Lotto. A fairly big one, so she's independently wealthy and never has to work again and can afford to do nothing but attend one live performance after another, night after night for the rest of her life. It should be enough money so that she can afford all the lawyers she'll ever need to stay out of trouble, and be able to pay all the fines and bail for when she can't.

Next, have her fall in love with Kathy Griffin.

Then make sure she has Kathy Griffin's entire schedule - performances, shopping trips, doctor appointments, driver's license renewals (and never let KG cut in line, and let the lines always be gargantuan), vacations, trips to restaurants, every hotel she ever goes to and what room she stays in, everything.

Have 'the screamer' follow Kathy Griffin everywhere she goes, and attend every show that she ever does. In the beginning have her just be loud and obnoxious and not very clever. But have her be so omnipresent and annoying that it makes most of KG’s entourage quit and drives away all but the most hard core of her fans. Then, over time, have ‘the screamer’ perfect the art of heckling so that eventually KG’s entire act becomes nothing more than playing to the heckler and so unfunny, sad and pathetic that she loses even the hard core fans, one by one, until there are none left.

In her desperation, have Kathy Griffin try to imitate Pauly Shore's and/or Carrot Top's comedy act, and fail; then try to do magic tricks with dangerous animals, and fail at that too; then try sword-swallowing, fail; then make her eat insects, rotten entrails and testicles on Fear Factor, but lose anyway; and finally - with 'the screamer' now as her Assistant, have her learn how to balance tables and chairs on her chin, and succeed! Then, when they've built up a tiny following at strip shows, street corners, prisons and traveling carnivals so that they’ve developed a shred of hope for their future, have them try to learn how to juggle fire, and painfully fail.

Well, that should about do it.

And, as always, please let Clay stay happy, healthy, humble and kind. And thank you for the Jukebox Tour. Let us all live in peace and harmony; and smite all of his enemies dead. Amen.