The Quilting Bee - talking it out . . .

What do I see?

I see a man who has gone through a 10+ year journey. A journey only he could take. No matter how many loving friends and family he had as loving support, his journey was his alone. He had to reach a point on his journey before he could 'write the book' on the journey, if you will. But On His Way Here, he internalized his successful journey before he opened that book for others to read.

So when we heard the news, we had not traveled that same journey. We hadn't see the ruts. The potholes. The mud that he'd had to travel through. We hadn't been there when he may have gotten stuck for a while. We weren't there when he pulled himself out from the place he was stuck and got on his way again. We didn't see him finally share his journey with the woman most dear in his life, his Mom. We didn't see him struggle for a year before telling his brother about his journey. We thought he might be struggling with nasty tabloids and opportunist, but we weren't there to see that journey. While on this journey, he had to continue to do his work, answer to bosses, try to find ways to entertain his fans. But we weren't there sitting in on meetings. We weren't there when one album was scrapped and he had to start over. We weren't there when the journey had to veer around some really nasty obstacles intent on sending him in the direction THEY wanted him to go. We weren't there when personal things, very personal things were discussed with the next friend or relative. Each time a dangerous, brave step in a most uncertain time.

We weren't with him on his journey. Even as we were chasing off to NYC to see Clay SPAM us, we did not witness his journey.

He was on this journey alone. And it was fun, sometimes when things went well, but heartbreaking fear at times before the next stop on the journey.

We weren't there.

So when we got the news - it was BIGNEWS. Knock your socks off BIG.

But - Clay? He had been there for the whole journey, gradually getting over bad places in the journey, learning there were joys on the journey but you had to be very careful. But he traveled this journey for 10 years. He learned a lot - about himself. About family. About Friends, about work associates.

Now at the end of the 10 year leg of his journey, and with a son to raise, he stops the journey long enough to share Where He Is Now with us. He was happy with the journey. He knew where he started, he knew how far he'd come, who he had waiting in the wings for support. And so we learned there would be a baby.

This next leg journey he traveled alone as much as possible. A couple of complete strangers tried to hijack the train, tried to get him to share his journey with them! But he turned his head. Walked away. He wasn't letting them determine the paths of his journey.

And we were there, but only inasmuch as we saw those hijackers crap all over Clay's journey. But Clay, ignore ignore ignore , his mantra as he keeps things close to the vest, keeps things on his schedule.

Until 08/08/08 when we saw that beautiful little baby and the protective Daddy.

Then he traveled alone again. Well, not quite alone. He has Jaymes and little Baby Parker and their family.

On that day, the first day of this baby's life, Clay let us have a hint of one of the places his journey was taking him. A Part of his journey was taking him on a crosstown turn or a roundabout. And before we could ask our questions. So we were left, back to real life, back to wonder what it all meant? Would we see him again? Would there be a tour? Would we ever see him again?! Difficult to contemplate. So we waited. Well, while we waited we speculated. And waited. Some of us worried.

But then Clay was going on GMA to talk with Diane, so we knew what it would be because the cover had "leaked" prematurely . . . because the people who leak those kinds of things are people with peepee's the size of peanuts.

So the sleezoid leaks caused extra stress.

But Clay was already HERE. He had reached the pinnacle and was almost ready to bring us into a view of PART this journey. So he shared a little of his home. He shared a little of Jaymes, and he shared with us a little of Parker. Precious Baby Parker.

And he confirmed People Magazine. It was all true. And he laughed with Diane about part of the journey, making Mama cry twice in one day. Struggled with how to tell his Macho Marine brother.

I didn't see flippant or callous at all in the GMA interview as some did. He was already there. Like Popeye, "I Yam what I Yam." He didn't flog himself on national tv. He didn't cry. He didn't prostrate himself. He didn't wear a hair shirt. He just said he walked this journey the best his could. He was sorry for any hurt. He worried about the fans. But he wasn't in tears, he wasn't asking for forgiveness. Nothing to forgive him about, so no forgiveness needed. And he was already "Where I Am Now" so he was comfortable, chatty, light one moment, take-charge the next minute.

So - if you're not upset that he's gay, then you're good, right? I just reread his blog. I don't see one thing more he could have done. He loves us. He is sorry some are hurting. Want friends to talk it through. (Isn't it amazing that he knows we (women) need a quilting bee or a coffee Klatch so he gave us space to talk around the circle. And basically said "You can beat me up all you want to but no bashing others."

And he let us have at it!

And some came and did work things out. They told us their stories. They shared, hoping their journey would help other on theirs.

So - what I'm saying is - Clay provided a place for us to say how we feel. And to hear how others feel.

And maybe one or two stories mirrored the way you felt and helped you get off the fence and decide where your journey goes next.

If you strip out the strident and the lecturing there are some amazing writers here. Writers who wrote simple words with love and hope. And a template for making your journey, because they had traveled and come out the other side.

We all know there were some with Not Good Intentions. A few who really weren't here for support or helping someone who needed support. Let's be honest. There are always those who enjoy creating confrontation.

And there were some, like me, maybe who just couldn't understand some viewpoints and tried to add something that would either lighten the mood or lead the conversation in a different direction. Or just say how we felt and when we felt it.

Hoping to open a window, figuratively.

I have nothing but hope for Clay Aiken. He is strong. He's a GOOD MAN!

Goodly doth he Sing. And my life is brighter with him in it!

I hope those of you who love Clay's music and humor and silly sides and serious humanitarian sides will reach the end of your journey and discover him all over again. If your journey stops and you don't LOVE him for "all that he is made of", then find another happy place. Or if you discover that you can play his cd's all day long and you still enjoy "the way it makes you feel", then maybe you've redefined your fanship.

If Clay no longer brings you joy, I hope you find it somewhere and smile again. Even if it's with Michael Buble' or Reba MacIntire or Widepread Panic.

I have one request. If you aren't happy with Clay anymore, please remember that you loved him once. If you're not careful, love can turn into hate. But it doesn't have to. It's up to you. You can love him, smile at a concert memory, listen to him in your car, you can remember watching the boy become the man. Then you can still feel the light of that remembered Joy and it will warm you.

I have no idea if this long ramble make any sense. It's late!

But I wanted to thank Clay for being such a brave soul and a man smart enough to know the talking around the circle was needed.

As always, Lovin' that North Carolina Red Clay!

Cotton