Blog Entry
Blog Entry
My first year annerversery with OFC and a health update
09/26/07
Hey out here in the ClayNation...
Today I have been a total crazy internet fool for a whole year, and it is all Clay's fault... haha
Because today it is exately a year ago I heard his voice for the first time ever, and right after that I had to attack hubbys computer, I just typed Clay Aiken and ended up here, and umm...
here I still am...
I have gotten so many wonderful friends in here, and it helps me so much that I dont have to speek with my mouth but with my hands.
Some of you guys has never given up on me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for all your prayers, get well wishes and good thoughts.
I have really been needing that a lot lately, things has so many times been up and down. Never a dool moment in my life I guess..
I have had different doctors and tried lots of new medicin.
And now finally I got my depression under control.
I actually have 3 set of papers now, saying I am not crazy in any way possible.... LOL
How many can say that? hmmm?
But it really was a tough way to get here where I am today,
The medicin I got made me so tired that I sleept around 18-20 hours a day, and after a few months when the medicine finally worked it made me so awake that I couldn't sleep at all, so I stayed up each day for about the same 18-20 hours a day.
So now I am reducing the medicine, while hoping and praying for the best.
I have also put on a "few" ekstra pounds, but as I told hubby, I will not let it stop me like last time, even if I end up being square, -then so be it, because they really work.
Most days now I get up and even get dressed, I even put makeup on as well.
I know it is the medicine helping me.
Brian is certant that it has to do with I actually got myself a 20 year old admire here online, a really cute and very handsome boy... LOL
I feel really honered, but ofcause told him no he can not have old boring me.. haha
He has to have one of the cute, pretty, sweet, young girls instead... (Poor boy)... LOL
Gosh it made me remember when I was young, but thats a whole other blog... haha
About my health I know the last few updates has been very positive, but today it all felt apart again.
I had some blodwork done last week, and I got the answer I have dreaded for today.
With my lack of luck I once again, got my very bad lack of lifefunction vitamins, and last time I was so low it could have kill me.
(doc's words not mine)..
This time I am scared to say that I am even lower.
than I was last time, and many of you were here to see me though it back then.
Thank you so much.
So now it kinda feels like everything I worked so hard for the last 6 months, just flew out of the window and is nowhere to be seen...
I am really sorry guys I am just sooooooooo depressed today, and scared as well, because I am even lower than I used to.
I had the most awefull thoughts today, the "What if?" thoughts, like what would happend to my son was the worst thought.
I even planed to tell hubby tonight to go find another women, cause I was not worth his love and affection, but knowing how much we mean to eachother, I know he would be so upsead and mad at me, and ofcause I dont mean it deep inside, but I still got the "What If?" on my mind and I can not shake it this time...
Thanks for listening to me blabbering once again.
You have no idea how thankful I am for each one of you, you all have made a inpact in my life somehow.
I met some of my best friends here on OFC
I wasn't gonna renew this year, because I am never really here anymore, but today I realized that this is the place I always need to go to when there is good or bad news in my life.
I love you all so very much.. Thank you for letting me in on your lifes..
And you mister Aiken, I just wanna say, thank you so much for everything you are and all that you give.
I pray for all your dreams can and will come true..
I am so deeply sorry for you and your family's lost and my thoughts and prayers are with you all, during this sad, sad time...
God bless you mister Aiken from the bottom of my heart and a sincere thank you.
Blessings Lis
