First, some ground rules and/or warnings...

1. I am not funny. If you are looking for funny, I suggest reading Jemock's, Jude's, or didi's blogs, 'cause that is funny shtuff. Nothing at all like the tripe that will be posted here. Nope. No sirree.

WARNING!! If by some small chance one suddenly snorts or begins to shake or starts emitting noises that sound suspiciously like \"Hee\", \"Ha!\", or the ever dreaded \"(snork) Ow...\" please consult a physician immediately. As rule #1 is absolute and immutable, you are clearly having a seizure of some sort and need medical attention as soon as possible.

2. I am not clever. I'd write something exceedingly clever explaining how I very, very not clever I am, but Hello!...am not clever and therefore you get to read sadass sentences such as this. Lucky you.

3. I have an unfortunate tendency to use the word "Hello!" as an exclamation. Alas, this predates Clay so I can't even blame the horror on him. Crap.

4. I can find the silver lining behind every cloud. However, I can also find the cloud in front of every sliver lining. What does that make me? Pretty damn annoying, I've been told.

And lastly...

5. I don't look at all like Angelina Jolie. Unlike Jude who is a dead ringer for Mrs. Smith, l do not bear the slightest resemblance to la jolie Jolie. However, I am often mistaken for Kate Winslet. Well...often being that one time by that drunk guy when I passed by a bar at 12AM. I'm sure by close, I would've attained Jolieian standards. Or not. Probably not. Okay, fine. Most assuredly not. Happy now?

whew Now that all of the warnings and disclaimers are out of the way, I can FINALLY get down to blogging and finding a way to express my innermost feelings and thought provoking questions....

What the heck is up with olive bars anyway?