I'm not one that likes to think I know what is going through Clay's mind-or anyone else's for that matter. Maybe because,both as a child and an adult,I took way too much grief from my mother because she could always "just tell what I was thinking". Only not.

But I've been going through a few rough patches lately in different areas of my real life. None more so than at the job I've held for the past ten years,in a field in which I've worked for more than thirty. Which is more years than Clay has been alive.( So now I feel really old. Alrighty. )

I had one of Tasapio's gorgeous photos of Good News as my wallpaper for months. Didn't think I would ever change it. But when Clay posted the pictures from the fitting for his photo shoot,I caved in.Had.to.have. the sexiest picture ever.

I'm talking about the close-up of his feet in the mismatched striped socks of course. Never had a foot fetish before but apparently I've got one now.Plus I spent 5 JNT05 concerts just waiting to catch a glimpse of which pair of stripey lovelies we were to be blessed with that evening,so those socks seemed like old friends I hadn't seen for months.sigh Good times.

So just what do Clay's socks have to do with my job problems? Hang on,people...I'm getting to that part. Eventually. I think.

My job is physically demanding but mentally-not so much.So while I was enduring hour after not so thrilling hour with my Boss-from-Hell I had plenty of time to let my mind wander.And as usual it wandered around Clay. He wrote in his blog that the socks were his idea...something to help him stay sane while enduring something he dislikes.But seriously,how do socks (mismatched,wildly colored striped ones at that) help you stay sane?

I thought about other things...how he said he was pinned and pinched for hours to get the look his new stylist wanted. Talk of a new look,a new image. And how Clay had said a long time ago regarding his initial make-over...that the wrapping had changed,but the gift was still the same.And then it all "clicked" for me.

Like I said at the beginning-I don't generally like to pretend I know what Clay is thinking or feeling. I have no connections-even the most tenuous one-to him. Never even had a Meet & Greet or been touched at the buses. But I thought that maybe this is what Clay meant with his socks.And since my interpretation is probably just as valid as anyone else's and since it helped me deal with my situation,here goes.

Clay's said he hates photo shoots...hates having people dress him and pose him and make him look the way they want him to look.And the new stylist and photographer were dressing him like a rag doll...projecting the image they chose for him...mature,sophisticated,suave,sexy,whatever. They got to decide what Clay Aiken looked like,what he showed the world,what people might think he actually was.

But what those people can't see ,what Clay kept to himself,what helped him stay sane.....was that underneath it all,he was the same person he always was.Just a sweet,lovable,guy....a dorky goofball with crazy mis-matched socks. TPTB might be able to control almost everything about our lives but we can still keep something of our true selves to help keep us centered,to help keep us real.They can't have it all their way.Some things-however small,however unseen by most people,we can still decide for ourselves.You can put me in a custom tailored designer suit but I still get to pick my socks.You might decide what the world sees,but I decide who I am underneath it all.And I love that he shared that little secret with us.

So my bosses might be able to make me toe their company line,make me act like the perfect little Stepford Employee without an original,non-corporate specification thought in her mind....but somewhere underneath my uniform will be MY mismatched striped socks helping to remind me of what,of who, I really am.

Thanks Clay. For everything.