stage lights up to show Storm standing center and she nods to the people before clearing her throat and standing in front of the mic

Storm: "it's happened to all of you, you have all done it. You are standing or sitting just minding your business and bothering no one when you decide to bend over or squat down and then you hear it. That sound that shatters the silence like a thunderclap and can pierce through the noisest rooms like a bull horn announcing the presence of a problem. Everyone stops and looks your way as you stand with your hands clasped firmly on your rearend in some vain hope of mainting your dignity. That's right folks, the ass rips clean out of your pants and your strawberry shortcake panties are there for the whole world to see....."

Storm trails off and turns as Clay walks on stage and stands at a mic next to her nodding and smiling

Storm: gesturing toward Clay "or in some cases superman boxers"

Clay: "what about my superman boxers?"

Storm: grinning and looking away "so there i was folks, ten minutes before start of my shift, alone at the back desk when i leaned forward for some reason that is lost to me now and as i did that sound shattered the silence. Pausing just a moment to process what had just happened, then groping around the rather large surface area of my buttocks...."

Clay: "you split your pants didn't you"

Storm: "as wide as the grand canyon and the echo was just as loud"

Clay: "and the whole place swarmed to see didn't they"

Storm: "no i thought i had blissfully avoided that. I climbed to the top of the freezer and after finding myself a new pair of pants in the box of uniforms and changing i informed my boss who rolled her eyes and said "i told you they looked to tight"

Clay: "you mean from when she called you fat?"

Storm: "she wasn't trying to call me fat, she said sorry for that the next day"

Clay: "so there was no cat fight?"

Storm: "no, no cat fight"

Clay: "you let her get away without a cat fight?"

Storm: raising her eyebrows at him and continuing "so anyway i thought this was the end of it but not so."

Clay: "your boss announced it over the loud stystem didn't she"

Storm: "actully they gathered around the security footage to point and laugh"

Clay: "where you there when they did?"

Storm: "no my co-worker told me tonight, her, my boss and another supervioser were watching the tapes and she thought it looked like i was picking my wedgie until my boss remembered that was when i split my pants"

Clay: "so they watched you split your pants?"

Storm: "yep and i thought to myself at least if were famous i would be getting paid good to have everyone stand around and point going "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" as my pants split and i sit looking startled and slightly freaked out.

Clay: "it's kinda bad when you can't split the rear out of your pants without everyone gathering around to gawk"

Storm: "well in all fairness they were watching to see who was stealing money as money has gone missing lately."

Clay: "so splitting your pants was bad timing"

Storm: "something like that"

A clattering sound is heard and Clay looks down toward his feet

Clay: "oops i dropped my keys..."

Clay bends over and a loud ripping sound is heard. Pausing he tilts his head around and feels his rear end before letting out a long mournful groan. After a moments pause the whole audience points and laughs

Storm: "need help with those keys Clay?"

Clay: "don't take even one step toward me"

Clay picks up his keys and standing up begins to walk backwards toward the back curtain before turning and dashing from the stage

Storm: grinning and rocking on her heels "that's all for tonight folks and if you will all walk single file from the theater Jerome will hand you a small sewing kit as you exit, you just never know...."

*stage fades to black and a loud yell is heard from somewhere back stage "it's supposed to be the best stiching money can buy!!!!!!!"

"i'm telling you Mr Aiken the stitches have been loosened by someone!!"

"STORM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"*

Rest gently Storm