Kindness. Such an impossible trait for a man yet i stare at the pictures and the videos and my eyes widen at the aura, the actions, the hands and the eyes and there it is. It's impossible to process yet i sit and wonder what he feels like, what his kindness feels like. Dear god if i could only pray with him i would know and i would make sure i never forgot. It's so always so important to remember.

We view things differently as we get older, things look and feel different as we view them through the eyes of our experince rather then what we thought things were and should be. Things that meant a little before mean a lot now or they mean nothing at all. Sometimes it dosn't mean the same thing at all. Sometimes we sit and wonder where it went and sometimes we are glad it's gone.

I'm not sure if it was ever there or really what it was. I keep thinking on it.

I tend to see things now in regards to heaven and the pure white place i visited. I tend to see things in regards to the love and comfort i feel in dark hours of the night when i lay all alone, in regards to the voice that whispers peace to me. It whispers so many things to me so i continue to pray. Prayer is the only thing that brings those whispers.

I feel old but i am just a child. Just an exhausted child who wishes nothing more then something beyond the hatred and tears and pain that surrounds her and all who are in her life but cannot seem to hold it long enough to spread it's light through this dark place. Such a dark place.

With skin starving the spirit suffers but never ceases to struggle so long as force of will remains intact. Sheer force of will is quite literally the only thing i have. Sheer force of will and nightly whispers.

Then i see a face, hear a song and i watch helplessly. Watch an earthly touchstone, one i never dared think could exist and though i often think myself unbalanced i know really it's not true.

I'm just to far from home.

Somehow i suspect he is to.

rest gently Storm