Warning! This post is SATIRE. Please click the back button now if you are easily offended. :)

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Effective immediately, all members of and applicants to the Official Clay Aiken Fan Club will be required to submit to extensive psychological and physical examination to ascertain their fitness to assume the very serious title of CLAY FAN.

Please have ready a blood and urine sample. A team of experience Claymates will be putting you through a series of examinations. Questions will include:

True or False 1) Whatever Clay wants is fine by me! Even if he just stands on stage and picks his nose! After all it is his nose and we do not own his boogers!! 2) Clay is an angel sent from Heaven to bring light to this dark world! 3) Clay is the most altruistic person in the history of mankind!! I have written to the pope 100 times to nominate him for beatification!!!!

Multiple Choice 1. Clay is... a. A cute singer b. On a mission from God c. A Role Model whom I strive to emulate in every conceivable way, right down to buying his favorite cereal

1. My feelings about Clay can best be described as... a. Unconditional Love b. Unrequited lust c. Unabashed devotion

2. The best response to a post you do not like is... a. OMG LET CLAY BE CLAY!!11!1!!! b. Can't you see how you have made Clay and the Baby Jesus cry with your cruel and despicable comments? I am sick to my stomach just thinking about it!!! c. I disagree with your comment for the following reasons...

PLEASE NOTE: Any evidence of swearing, participating in sexual activity, or independent thought will result in immediate expulsion from the Official Clay Aiken Fan Club. If any member is found to have disliked any outfit, performance, hairstyle, or interview, Jerome will be sent to that person's home to confiscate any and all magazines, CDs, DVDs, and pictures of Clay.

We believe that these actions will lead to a happier and more peaceful place for the TRUE FANS to share their LOVE AND SUPPORT of Clay Aiken (who will henceforth be referred to as Your Worshipfulness.) The four or five people left after our purge will be permitted to purchase albums, concert tickets, and other merchandise. Please start applying for increases to your credit limits, because it will take a lot of buying for these TRUE FANS to keep Clay on top of everything!