Does anyone else ever get frustrated with the blog options for "How are you feeling today?"

Sure, I WANT to be happy and excited, but if I forget to select something, happy is the default. A strange juxtaposition when I've posted a "sad" blog, huh?

So, how am I feeling today? Answer? Mixed. I am frustrated with coming to Clay's own fan site and finding so much doom and gloom. I have enough doom and gloom in my life without finding it in a place that should be about celebrating the talent and the person of one Clay Aiken.

I am gradually coming to terms with the fact we MAY have another cd delay in our midst. Yes, that is disappointing, but it certainly doesn't change the way I feel about Clay the person or his career. I accept it is just part of the routine.

I do miss his face on television, I miss hearing his voice, I miss the excitement of real "news". But, I'm here waiting.

Kyle update:

My son met with the oncologist yesterday. The results of the full body MRI was promising. Right now, his tumor is solely localized in his brain, no spreading to other organs.

The docs are still hopeful. Kyle has some things going in his favor. He is only 21 and he is in excellent health other than that darn tumor.

So, the "treatment" journey begins. He starts chemotherapy tomorrow. He will go in three days a week for IV chemo, have a break for a few weeks and then repeat for about 4-5 months. Then 5 days a week radiation therapy for 4 weeks straight. (I was expecting 6 weeks). Of course, he also has to go in for regular lab draws every week or so as well.

So, if everything goes smoothly, he is looking at 6 months of treatment right now. I'm, of course, hoping for not too adverse side-effects.

He's finally coming to terms with the fact that he won't be able to work for awhile. The fatigue (even before starting treatment) is a bit of an adjustment for him. He hates the "you can't exercise... it might increase your intracranial pressure".

He hates the weight gain from the steroids. I'm kind of liking the weight gain. He was underweight before (how come I can never have that problem?). He is almost up to 150 lbs now (was 135 at five foot 10). He's likely to lose weight once the chemo starts, so I'm glad a few extra pounds are there to "cushion" the impact.

He was in the process of learning to drive before this hit. Now he has to rely on others to get him to the hospital for treatments. He struggled a long battle to become independent, now he has to be dependent. What an adjustment.

He is a very private person and likes his alone time (too much sometimes). Now he has to adjust to dealing with lots of people on an almost daily basis.

He's adjusting to having his father be the one to be responsible for helping him with the details. His father has never been good with the patience factor, even though I have always believed he truly does love him. He has just been one of those that don't know "how" to love. Kyle still doesn't trust it, but is trying to.

Overall though, he is keeping his hopeful outlook and adjusting the best he can. He calls me everyday to check in and for a bit of support. I hate being so far away. With my own medical problems and financial situation, I just can't afford to stay in Seattle with him. Their cost of living is outrageous!

So, I'm just rambling on this morning, after not posting for a few days. I'll stop here.

I'll sign off saying there are bigger things to worry about in this world than the release date of Clay's cd. We tend to focus on that date because Clay has become such a part of our lives. I look forward to that date, whenever it is, but I refuse to fall into the doom and gloom of it all.

Here's to hoping for some "tidbits".