The front steps of Raleighwood mansion where Clayton Holmes Aiken is about to start his first press conference. He's wearing ratty cargo shorts, a 5230 polo shirt, and flip flops.

C: Ah stand before you today to announce my candidacy for the United States Senate.

Flash bulbs go off wildly and reporters start shouting out questions.

C: Ah'm sorry but this behavior would not have been acceptable in my classroom. Ah'm not gonna answer any questions unless you learn to speak one at a time. Ah said one at a time people -- what is so hard to understand? You -- wearing the blue jacket and the red tie. Yes of course I mean you. Do you see anyone else wearing a blue jacket and a red tie and jumping up and down like a Jack in the Box?

Reporter #1: Can you tell us a little something about your platform?

C: I could, but I won't. Not now anyway. Maybe later. Next.

Reporter #1: Could you be more specific about the timing --

C: Ah said next. You had your turn.

Reporter #2: Could you describe your positions on --

C: My positions? That sounds dirty. Ah'm not gonna answer that. Ah swear if one more flash goes off, this junket is over. See? Ah said junket. Ah know your words.

Reporter #3: Mr. Aiken.

C: That is my name. Don't wear it out.

Reporter #3: Mr. Aiken, some voters are wondering why you decided to put your toe in the water and --

C: What? Are you kidding me? I can't believe you don't have anything better to write about than where I put my toe. I was asleep. Asleep. And I sure wasn't near any water. Don't you have any serious questions? I can tell you the capital of Lichtenstein. Ask me anything.

Reporter #4: I think what he was trying to ask is why --

C: Do you two know each other?

Reporters #3 and 4 look at each other: Well, yes . . .

C: How did you meet? I hope it wasn't online 'cause that can be dangerous.

Reporter #4: Huh?

C: Anyway go on. What was your question?

Reporter #4: What made you decide to run?

Clay smiles to himself. "It's the only way Ah can get on the radio but Ah ain't stupid enough to say that out loud."