TAP,TAP,TAP. "Is this thing on?" Ahem.

So apparently this blogging thing is all the rage. And ya aren't somebody until you make everybody privy to the inner creakings of the gears of your mind. Well, OK, I can play along.

I spent some time pondering what I would actually blog about. I don't actually have a thesaurus site bookmarked like other very popular famewhores do. coughJemockcough I sure can't do numbers like walk or receive psychic communique from Clay like didi. So what was I left with? I can talk about my time wrangling Jemock in and out of the Underground Lair, but how many stories of animal tranquilizer darts and cattle prods do you really need to hear about? I could just post our IM conversations. Now that would be hilarious. And probably not PG so.... I decided I'd write about the things that I ponder about - things that I think the Aiken perhaps ponders about ya know because we have a con.nec.tion. Heh. But I like metaphores and allegories so there will probably be a liberal use of those around here.

Today's subject: CONTROL

I own a horse. His name is Rocky. He's a nine year old Paint horse. I've had him for probably five years now. He's nothing particularly special. He won't be racing in the Belmont or winning any Best in Show competitions. He's just you're average work-a-day horse. He can do a little bit of everything, but nothing well. Perhaps if I was motivated to put him in training he'd excel at something, but I'm too lazy and cheap to make that happen. I usually just throw a leg over him a few times a week and we go for a trail ride or make a few laps in the arena.

Something else I should tell you about Rocky: he is one damn smart horse. Too smart for his own good actually. If I don't keep his drop window up, he'll unlatch his stall, open the door and go for a walk about. He learned how to open the garage doors in the arenas by pushing the right button on the pannel. The people who clean his stalls say he'll nonchalantly knock over the muck bucket or whip them in the face when they are cleaning his stall. He's quite the passive-agressive guy. But I've taught him quite complicated tricks involving clicker training and rewards. But mainly he just wants to do what he wants to do - which mainly is just eat grass and poop - and that's about it. This riding stuff is for the birds.

Now that doesn't mean that I don't insist on the riding stuff. I am, after all, the boss. Right? I do have the ability for complex reason and problem solving. Even though he weighs 10 x what I weigh that shouldn't matter. I should be able to control the situation. HA!

One of the first things you learn when it comes to horse back riding is that you may think you have control, but you never really do. If this 1200 pound animal wants to go left and you want him to right, he will go left. Simple physics wins out every time. So what you have to learn is how to work with your horse, communicate with him and get him to do what you want him to do. That all happens with subtle hand, leg and seat cues. The better the rider, the milder the cues, generally the more happy the horse is too. Any rider that tries manhandling to get their way, soon discovers they've made their animal resentful and spiteful and more likely to disobey. Them critters are smurt like dat.

One big test is when you are out trail-riding and the horse gets a bit worked up. He starts to jig, which is like a little sideways trot they do when they are excited by something. Maybe he saw something scary or maybe he's just excited and wants to run. You can feel the horse coil under you like a spring about to expand and you feel your "control" slipping away. If your horse takes off because he saw a scary shadow over there and decided to head for a cliff, there ain't a lot you can do to stop him. So you begin to panic. You want the control back. So you chock up on the reins and pull back. WRONG! This just makes it worse. The horse now begins to fight the pressure and jigs even harder. No one wants to be controlled. The best way to diffuse the situation is exactly the opposite of your instincts. Instead of grasping for control, you release. You give the horse his head. You let him know it's ok, you calmly reassure him and he will eventually settle.

So what you learn from this is that you cannot control another living breathing entity by applying restraint and forcing your will. You maintain control and leadership by allowing the entity the freedom it needs and giving it the encouragement a leader should give it. You cannot control the animal by ignoring it or poking it with sharp sticks - well you can try and many people do, but let me tell ya, they'll catch ya when you aren't looking and those teeth leave marks.

So the best way to get a 1200 pound animal to go right when you want it to go left is to develop a relationship with it based on respect and consistent communication and don't try to manhandle it because it will just learn to resent you.

And I'll just add, this pain-in-the-ass horse I have, the one that's incredibly smart, he's not going anywhere. We're stuck with each other because he challenges me and makes me think and makes me laugh and often times frustrates the hell out of me. But he's MY horse.

Thus ends my allegory for today and if anyone really thinks I was talking about horses, I think my point was too subtle. :)