I had been rather a sad month of August loosing so many NATIONAL CITIZENS

I Have become quite aware that most of you who leave comments or just read stories of my life, often forget how old I am. That is true with my son who often considers me as a contemporary. It CAN be quite flattering and when it isn't I try to overlook it.

Seeing my Doctor every eight weeks is a wake-up call, especially when I am dealing with so many negatives (emotionally, not physically) he always reminds me that I have been a fighter all of my life and not to loose that energy.

When one sees people around you suddenly inflicted with serious health issues, and so many just moving to be with children in another state, or just leaving to meet their GOD - these facts cannot just GO AWAY from one's mind. My Dr. said I am blessed with the ability to express myself in my writings and in a way, he is oh so right.

To think that approximately 50 different people have downloaded my complete life story written here and sent to personal AOL friends as well is amazing to me. It would be so grand if I had the funds to have a credited publisher read it to see (with corrections ) if it IS worthy of publications, but I am sensible enough to realize that will never happen. I am just so happy that so many of you have been so flattering.

Living alone for 24 years is not a problem, but not to be able to "work" IS! Whatever the task was, I did the best I could and enjoyed every minute - the definition of a workaholic! So one reverts to memories of wonderful experiences in front of audiences in the thousands during my life, and each event quite vivid. But, somehow that is not enough for me. I need to feel I am accomplishing something worthwhile. IT IS WONDERFUL that so many like my stories and that definitely keeps my spirits high.

But, at age 84, with most of friends gone for whatever reason, and personal financial and other problems too personal to relate - it is NOT easy. HOWEVER - I have found individuals here and in my AOL clubs who REALLY care about me, and one cannot deny what a blessing that is. So many friends via this computer and having met only a few face to face.

I do not really FEAR the inevitable, but secretly wish I could follow the footsteps of my Paternal Great Grandparents who were born in Poland, but came here during Hitler's horror in Poland. I never met them, but saw them when the BOSTON HERALD had a picture take of them while they lived in the Hebrew Home for the Aged celebrating their 75th anniversary. She was very small (like me!) and he was grand looking (like my father). They each lived to 99/98 years. Now, that is something to think about, - do you agree? Unfortunately all of my wonderful pictures of family's history were stolen during the horrid Robbery during my Mother's funeral of her fabulous home. The bigger items were found, but pictures and recipes were lost or destroyed.

I cannot fully explain it: but after I fell on a hard phone and broke my collar bone and lived in a brace alone caring for my bird and myself and not being able to use the computer (before THIS SITE was developed) I guess I was not in a good mental state. Almost the " why me " syndrome. It was during this time that Clay's book came out and I read it - more than once. PLEASE - do not ask me why it effected me so. Maybe it was the downloads of his concerts, or his night interviews - all so entertaining and still inside my computer, I do not know. But whatever it was and I broke my arm a month after my 80th birthday (picture taken ON that birthday in my Profile) - AND I was a "shut-in" for four months, my attitude did a complete 180! I did not feel upset about my condition but took care of myself and my bird - ALONE. At that time most of my friends were still around and very helpful - but now all but one are gone.

Every day I read the birthdays on the Message Board. I noticed one other is also 84, but the age range is amazing and thrilling to me since it shows that Clay's audience will increase as the years go by. For some strange reason that means something to me. No, I never met him, never was close enough to see those green eyes, and only secretly hope that he acknowledges that this old broad believes he has the vocal qualities and versatileness that will keep him going in his chosen field long after I am gone. Secretly, he also keeps me going as I review his Banter or listen to his songs with such fabulous breath control - it blows me away. AND, by the way, when my bird hears him singing she stops and listens to the slow songs, and dances to the faster ones. She is quite the musical bird. Sometimes I sing to her, and she LOVES IT. (No, I cannot sing the way I did on my CD).

Well, enough of this stuff. Just thought that those of you who "think" you are old, ARE NOT! Enjoy your life through trials and happiness. It WILL sustain you as so many of you have sustained me.

Your friend as long as I can be - always with love, Marian