Unfortunately, the title is correct

It was if I was in a maze with all of the committee meetings, board meetings, swap meets, and personal problems mounting up. What happened between 1992 and 1995 have bitter memories, so forgive me if sometimes it is out of order. My mind remembers events as if they were happening today, and the hurt lingers on.

I visited my sister in her new home (a prefab but nice) twice. The first time was with my bird, Goldie only and the second time (still trying to sell the Lake Condo), since I now had two small birds (that could be put into a folding bird cage I had brought, she thought they would be too messy. In reality, they were fine; but that was a long time ago. My sister now moved from Newton Centre, Ma. to Taunton, Ma.

You see, the first time I went on an "overnight" to a Laughlin Casino which gave all kinds of goodies, I left Goldie with a sitter. When I came back and went to a GOOD store, there was the cutest small Conure called a "Greencheek". He had green feathers and a red tail and I fell in love. So, I bought him (on credit, of course). When I finally got an offer on the Lake Condo, I flew back and stayed at our dear friend's home (Mel's best photographer) and they loved my two birds. I had to rent a car (for both trips - very costly) drove to the Lake with my two babies, had meetings with my lawyer and the bank. We came up with a figure and I went to the Condo to pack up just a few things I really wanted, and LEFT EVERYTHING ELSE TO BE INCLUDED IN AN OUTRAGEOUS SALE PRICE. BUT. I was desperate at the time. So, all furnishings, TV's, even a small sailboat went.

Had to have Gordon fax his signature and found out to my dismay that the "new" owner only had enough money to pay off the mortgage. He was a clever one: had my lawyer set up a payment plan to me for the balance. By this time, my mind just allowed this qualified lawyer to take over Yes, I had HAD it!.

This was the summer of 1993. and very little cash added with this sale. The rest: to come monthly.

I came back exhausted from all of this, and went on with my committee work and so forth.

I visited my son just to get away for awhile, leaving Goldie and Redfeather with a sitter. I lived on very little cash and credit cards. (DUMB) Suddenly, back here, I noticed the two birds being of different Conures were fighting. I was lucky,I still had Goldie's smaller cage (I had bought her a larger one when back in Mass) and had them side by side, but in their own homes.Redfeather was a smart little bird, who talked up a storm.

ONE NIGHT, I heard a fluttering coming from Goldie's cage. In the morning, she had very little feathers left, and I rushed her to the vet (an hour away). He did not know what was wrong with her and kept her overnight at their animal hospital in a glass cage. I went the next day, and they allowed me to pick her up. She laid her head on my shoulder which amazed the Dr. He could not determine what was wrong and had me bring her home. She WAS sick. I carried her for 48 hours even lying down on my bed holding her. I put her down for a minute in the morning, and she looked at me and then her head fell to the side. I SCREAMED! I picked her up yelling: DON'T DIE - THE DR. SAID YOU WOULD NOT DIE!

My friends, who are reading this, I confess I went NUTS!. I had not cried so hard in years. Mary and her husband came over right away and quickly brought her to the Vet for examination. They called my son who flew in right away, I was that much in a state. Mary and her husband both said the same thing: I never mourned my husband's death, and this was in me all of this time. They may have been right. The Vet could not determine why Goldie died and I paid $100.00 to have her tiny body sent to a California lab who also could not find a reason. Even with Redfeather in his cage, my little home seemed so empty.

My son insisted I come to California and while there look for another bird. I didn't want to go, but I did and one small breeder had some beautiful 4-month old birds. In the corner was one I had read about: an African Grey. She sat very quietly while others made birdied noises. The owner said: that is YOUR bird! I held her for a long time, walked around the store, and put her back. He said he was going to put a "sold" sign on her, and would wait for me to decide. Gordon, his then girlfriend and I went to a local beach, and just walked around. Yup, the next day, I bought her and he lent us a cage (which I think Gordon still has). Because I did not have my carry cage for the plane, I let her stay at Gordon's house for well over a month. I gave Redfeather in the small cage to a friend of the bird sitter (no charge - silly me)., and went back around April of that year to get Cuddles.

I had no idea that Gordon had a very serious "bug" and soon I got very ill. After x-rays, they told my son I was filled with cancer in my lungs and was going to die. I told my son (could hardly talk) that THAT was stupid. I placed a call to my wonderful Boston Doctor and he gave instructions to this VERY good Dr., and slowly improved after being ill for five weeks.

Came back home with my Cuddles and did my "thing" starting to make a special kind of floral bouquets and could not make them fast enough. The gift shop was doing well, and I started to take orders for different homes, and kept adding and adding supplies, until there was just a pathway in my Condo. I was busy, and the little money helped. But what I didn't tell you was that I had to make a small mortgage hoping the value of my place could certainly be enough to secure the loan. But no - the bank took what little cash I had left to pay off 1/2 of the credit cards. This was a busy time experiencing ups and downs.

My 70th birthday was coming up in 1995, and Gordon as a special gift was going to send me a new Mac. I would no longer have to fool around with disks in the old AppleII. He came the day before my birthday and set up my new computer stating that after he takes out vital information from the old one to throw it away. But, Mary took it to learn about computers and sold it for me for $150.00. Wheeeee!

The computer was set up, and a printer an chair were purchased for me. We made my very large typewriter desk computer ready. Suddenly, I was in a joyful mood. We went out for an early dinner, and when we returned, I said I wanted to start to play with my computer, get undressed and relax. But Gordon said he left his keys at Mary's house and needed me to remind him how to get there. When I entered her home, there were about 20 gals there and yelled "SURPRISE!". My FIRST and ONLY surprise party.

There were gifts and cake (made by Mary) and ice cream and this 70th birthday for a short time anyway made all of my problems go away.

A VERY short time. But, boy - that was a shot in the arm.

I will leave you here at a happy moment before I continue getting older and fighting all kinds of demons. They sure were there, but I am stubborn, and I fought!

Thanks for reading. Much more later especially when I tell you all about my sister.

Marian