I am very competitive.

I have never been active sportswise, but enjoy watching sports. So my competitiveness didn't come out as a child in the sports arena. But I did want to be the best at whatever I did do good, which as a child would have been academics...

Yup, I was one of those annoying kids whose hand shot up in the air every time the teacher asked a question, the kid who read out loud in class perfectly and very quickly, the kid who liked catching the teacher in a mistake hangs head in embarrassment. Thank God I grew up g.

At 12, my competitiveness found a new outlet, I became a massive hockey fan. I adored the Boston Bruins and had a crush on their goalie, Gilles Gilbert. I spent hours making hockey scrapbooks from newspaper articles, I bought hockey magazines and books, I went to games (when my mom could afford them), I poured over records and statistics. My mom even took me, during summer vacation, to Toronto to see the Hockey Hall of Fame.

The Boston Bruins were my first love. I cried my heart out when they lost in the 7th game of the Stanley Cup Finals to the Philadelphia Flyers 1-0. My obsession continued a few years. Once I turned 17, it lessened, as real boyfriends and my social life became more important. I still enjoyed hockey but it was no longer all consuming, and my crushes were gone...replaced by real life "loves". Life went on and my competitiveness took a back seat for several years...

I eventually got married, moved 1000 miles away, looked for a new job, had babies. When my oldest, my dd, turned 5, she wanted to take gymnastics. She was very strong and enjoyed physical activity, so we enrolled her. Our gym, Aiken Gymnastics, is run by a former Czech olympian and her dh. It is a very intense and competitive gym. Within a year, my daughter was on the pre-team, and within 2 years, she was competing both in and out of state. Heh, my competitiveness resurfaced, but this time, through my dd...

The funny thing is my dd is not competitive at all. Yeah, she enjoyed getting medals and being acknowledged, but it didn't drive her in any way...no need for perfection from her.

Anyway, I recognized that I had the propensity of becoming a "stage mom" so I watched myself vigilantly and held myself in check. But, God, those meets made me crazy. I was far more nervous than she ever was, and far more aggravated when those judges didn't score as I saw fit than she ever was g. DD would practice 4 times a week, 3 hours per practice. I would stay at the gym for all of those 12 hours. Then, Clay came along...

Hee, guess what my competitiveness got transferred to? Yup, Clay. I don't need to explain that...you all understand. The butterflies, the joy, the angst, and the eventual anger and disillusionment with the outcome of AI2. Then came the first single, then MOAM, tracking sales and radio spins, comparing Clay to other AI alumnae, comparing Clay to other music artists. Then came touring stats and MCWL. More extrapolation, more statistics, more comparisons. However, what I did notice is that as time went on, my "Clay competitiveness" started to decline. And with that, my enjoyment in my Clay fandom started to increase. I think I can attribute it to feeling secure in Clay's success. I no longer have any doubt that he is here to stay. What the magnitude of that "stay" will be I don't know...but that no longer matters to me. The fact that I am sure I will be able to hear his gorgeous voice on more cds in the future, experience him live in concert at whatever size venues, and see his joy and passion when doing things he loves, has become more than enough for me. I am satisfied.

I credit Clay for helping me find my way in so many areas in my life. In this instance, he enabled me to find the right balance in my competitive spirit. He brought back the passion that I felt at 12 while bringing me peace in knowing that winning is seldom what matters. I'm sure my dd thanks him g as do I...