Hey, Do i always come here and complain? No..I hope not....but man life is so tough right now....I just need to talk....dont know where else to go, but to my blog.... since we last talked, we have lost a couple more to cancer....I can hardly take it anymore....we had our Relay Kickoff this week...our speaker was a 17 year old girl living with terminal cancer. LIVING with it. She was diagnosed at age 9 with thyroid cancer and when the Mayo clinic told her there was nothing else they could do..she decided to not do treatments...why, she said, do something that would not work. Instead? She chose to live...and she has been . Ever since. Every day! She is in drama, been a cheerleader, in an Academic decathlon..She is such an inspiration to listen to....something I need to hear to internalize...to LIVE. Some days it is hard to not worry, not be scared...I am more and more when more survivors...arent surviving. Seems too many to me. I never expected to have to live with this in my mind every day...never wanted to obviously. Live every day she said....I try. I try not to get mad about things....that I need to work better on. Tom comes home from being gone and something had pissed me off...stupid me...so did I hug him? No....Things between us have been good lately...many times it is not. So what was I doing????? Sigh....I feel bad today....oh of course he 'paid me back'. How? Making comments about how I am not working....it was something menial around here that he could have done, shut up about it...no he used it to put in a good dig to me. And it hurt a lot. I dont think he knows how hard it is to stay here every day...and that is the only choice I have. It is so hard..harder than I thought it would be. I feel trapped...I feel guilty I feel trapped...It is hard to live life that way.... Concerts are coming up...I dont know if Clay will be close enough to go....I always traveled with Kayla before to go. I want to again...but can you imagine the hubby when I don't work? I dont know what I am going to do. Presales are coming up in a couple days to a couple of them that are possibilities..but without the rest of the dates, I cannot try for tickets...oh yeah, there is that funny little bit..money to pay for them. for some reason my heart aches so much today....I feel like crying...wait I already am! Dont you just hate to come here to listen to this???? Hey thanks if you lasted all the way through.....

Now I need to leave the news off....there is a new resurgence of talk about cancer. Right now, I dont want to hear it!