Okay, so someone started a thread asking about the things we have in common with Clay.

Somehow I forgot my last example - working at the YMCA during my first go around. It's not like I had much to begin with. I do believe that Clay is Scottish (?) and I saw that he is Irish (I wasn't sure) and German. BINGO! Make that 6 things in common with our man!

It's really strange that I forgot about the Y because I know I've talked about it before and his talks about how he was a camp counselor brought back a lot of summer day camp memories for me as well. I met my future husband there. He was a camp counselor.

He was a teacher as well - history. He also had a beautiful baritone voice that he used at church. Earlier in his life, he did sing with a band and many times during our courtship he would sing to me. He even made me a tape of some of my favorite songs that I loved to hear him sing. I fell in love with his looks, his smile, his charm, his voice and with the man himself.

He was also 12 years older than I and had a 5 year old son. When we married, I was fresh out of college at 22 and suddenly a stepmom, with a new career, etc. That's was one of the main problems.

I was too young to be a Mom. I was jealous and possessive of my time with my husband, though there were times that he would be busy with church, I'd be looking after his son since it was his night to have him.

The stress of being a "Super careerwoman/mom" was too much for me to bear, not to mention that I was branching out and out growing him. Long story short, I married too young and ultimately to the wrong man. A good man, but not the right one for me and my needs.

I found it ironic that I would stuff that one main similarity to Clay in a dusty old bag in the back of my brain somewhere. A lightbulb went off yesterday when I added that to my list in the thread.

Am I reliving my romantic past dream through Clay? Am I ruing past mistakes? Am I dealing with the fact that I am 20 years older and wiser and wishing for a second chance? I think that the 3rd one is part of the answer.

Clay is Clay - he is not my "ex" in any shape or form (other than he was 6'1" and also Irish with a beautiful voice). I'm in love with the "idea" of Clay or the "promise" of Clay. I know him from what I've seen of him in public and in here. Yes, we all have our "private" personalities, (think "The Stranger" by Billy Joel"), the ones we stuff in a closet when we want to be on our best behavior in public. I think a good rule of thumb is WYSIWYG - if the person is good in public consistently, there a very good chance that's how they are overall.

So was my ex, yet it wasn't meant to be - our "Strangers" didn't meet eye to eye. At anyrate, give me a romantic, handsome, kind, compassionate fabulous singer, anytime and I'm sure I would probably try that same path again.

Update: Thank you for your replies Galadriel and Geni.

I remember in High School I had a wild crush and did date another musically inclined, romantic man. He had eyes that would peer into my soul.

When I was dating my ex-husband, I remember that I was on cloud 9 and as naive to the realities to the real world as could be. I knew (kind of) what I was getting into, but we were so in love, I thought that it would conquer it all.

I look at Clay as a reminder and a longing for that past time and can easily picture the whole "Prince Charming, Cinderella" scenerio again. I guess that I don't want to grow up and give up my fantasies when I know that's all they are. I don't want to believe it.

I'm growing older and fighting it all the way. I just want another taste of youth - the promise, the innocence, the wonder, just one more time.

I think I'm just a hopeless romantic and men like Clay will always be my downfall. ;)