I've typed and typed and typed some more. While some of you may have already read it and others couldn't care less, I thought I'd put it here for safe keeping, in ONE place. If you want to read it, great! Grab a bowl of popcorn and a beer and enjoy. If you don't, I'm not offended. Really...I'm not...it's fine...I'm...not...hurt...sniff...okay I need a moment...

If I were to recap the night, I'd almost have to take you back to the beginning of the topsy-turvey rollercoaster ride I have been on since Thanksgiving.

I guess most everyone knows the "process" by now. It's a hurry up and wait sort of situation. You don't know if you've made it or not until you get that fateful email message telling you where to be and when. I never got one of those messages. In fact, it's a true fluke that I ever made it on the stage. Perhaps it's persistence. Perhaps it was meant to be. Who knows why, but here's what happened:

So for all those who didn't hear, this is my story about the story.

Thanksgiving day, I received an email from Cybearsue. She was desperate for someone to audition her story for Albany. She had read on one of the boards that I was going to attend the concert, so she pleaded to me (like she really needed to plead!) to help her out. I'm still not sure why she thought I would be bothered by her request. Truth be told, I couldn't have been more flattered... I haven't been more flattered in my life, or at least not in recent memory. Of course I'd audition the story for her, so she sent it to me, I read it over and immediately knew it was a "winner". It was so cleverly written. In fact, when I first read it, I could hear Clay's voice in my head reading the story. It was just that good! So Thanksgiving evening, I shut myself in my room, sipped on a hot cup of tea to ease the pain in my throat from the nasty cold that had settled in my chest, called the audition number and started to read. I was cut off after 2 minutes, not getting the chance to finish the story (wahhhhhh) but decided to not think anything of that, it's just the way the machine worked.

Then it was time to wait....and wait.....and wait some more. I kept reading the speculation on the boards and so wanted to clear up the confusion. The problem was, A) I was sworn to secrecy, B) it was someone else's story. I couldn't risk spoiling the surprise and taking such a great story out of the running, and C) With my past experience being on stage with Clay, I was very leery of people making me feel like crud (which a few people managed to do last night just the same).

So I had to keep the secret. Cybearsue and I emailed back and forth, encouraging each other as we went along. Now, she had someone else audition her story too, for Washington, DC. So when the night before the concert came about, I was somewhat saddened for myself but totally happy for her, when her story was chosen to be read in DC. I couldn't have been happier for her if I tried. Her story WOULD be heard! I kept holding out hope that maybe....just maybe, they'd repeat her story in Albany. Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, my hopes diminished. Then it was time to leave and I knew I would not be reading in Albany. Cybearsue on the other hand, made special arrangements to be in Albany so she could meet Clay after the show. She was so nervous, as she had never met him before. I assured he, in the end, he is a man. A very sweet, sexy, big footed, soft handed, glasses wearing, lovely long haired man who just happens to have the voice of an angel. Yup, I really put her at ease!

After the show was over, I wished her luck, told her to just breathe and take it all in. I bid her good-bye and wished her a happy holiday, then left for the bar back at my hotel. I couldn't hep but feel a bit sad. To come THAT close to being on stage. How horrible did I feel? The story was good enough to be read on stage, but apparently I was not good enough to be the reader. Yes, I did take it to heart and I daresay, I felt somewhat miserable!

I wallowed in a sea of self pity that night. It wasn't pretty, I admit, but I couldn't help it. As I sat at the bar, enduring the bartenders berating the other Clay fans who had gathered for a night cap and to swoon over that evening's concert, my cell phone rang. It was one of my friends, asking where I was and telling me to come join them at Jillian's for some dinner. At that point, I had already ordered a salad and was drowning my sorrows in diet coke. I declined the invite but thanked them for thinking of me just the same. No sooner did my food arrive that my phone rang again. This time it was Susan. She was over the moon and who could blame her! She HAD just met Clay after all. Well, this time, she had news for ME! She said Clay wanted her story to be read tomorrow night in Poughkeepsie. I was in shock! I mean, what would I wear???? Oh wait, all I packed was black. DUH! She said she gave Mary and Jamie my cell number so they could call me to confirm. I decided it was best to remain cautiously optimistic. After all, I had already been let down. I couldn't risk doing THAT again.

So after I ate a portion of my nasty salad that I SWEAR had canned chicken on the top instead of something fresh (EWWWW), I talked to another fan who had offered her computer to me so that I could look up my ticket information for the next 2 nights. Remember, at this point, my tickets were gone for Poughkeepsie and Mohegan Sun, so I was dealing with THAT stress too! Where else but in the Claynation can you get someone's room key and go to their room to use their computer without even a moment's hesitation? The saddest part is, I know this woman. I see her at every concert and yet, I can't for the LIFE of me remember her name! I am so HORRIBLE with names!!! So if you're reading this, THANK YOU AGAIN for all your help! You saved my concerts as I was able to retrieve my confirmation information. I was able to call ticketmaster the next day. Everything was starting to look up! At least that is what I thought...

Fast forward to Saturday morning. I woke up nice and early like a good mother of 2 should always do, even when the kids aren't around, took a shower and got dressed. I headed downstairs for a cup of that bitter nasty stuff called ROBUST blend coffee to kick-start my day. I sat down at a table next to RIClayFan and her travel companions (can't remember their board names, but hi Kathy and Wendy!). We got to talking and one thing led to another...before I knew it, I had roomies for Poughkeepsie! YES! They opted out of their room at the Days Inn and joined me at the Poughkeepsie not so Grand Hotel. The company rocked even if the hotel didn't.

We all headed upstairs to get our stuff ready. Much to my surprise, we had been a right next door to one another and didn't even know it! Go figure! After oooohing and ahhhhing over pictures and such, we all headed towards our next destination, Poughkeepsie!

Due to the ticketmaster fiasco, I wound up getting to Poughkeepsie after RIClayFan did. We got checked into our room and decided to grab a bite to eat. Definately not the best meal I have ever had. Of course, anything at that point was not good. I was preparing to read that night and I was a nervous wreck. I kept waiting for my phone to ring. Nothing. No email. Nothing at all. By 3:30, I had just about all I could take. The venue entrance was maybe 30 to 50 feet from the door of the hotel. It was time to take matters into my own hands. So RIClayFan, her friend Wendy and I decided to trek to the venue's box office, get my reprinted tickets and then see about talking to Mary Brennan about the story. At that point, I was pretty sure I wasn't going to read, but with other friends arriving and other plans being made, I just wanted a definitive answer.

We inquired at the box office and they told us to just walk on in, so we did. We walked right into the venue where the orchestra was rehearsing. We just stood there and listened for a few minutes until a rather gruff stagehand asked us what we were doing there. I told him that I was to see Mary Brennan. He said she was downstairs with Clay. Then of course, being the gruff jerk that he was, just had to say his unpleasant words about Clay and American Idol pop-star wannabees, blah blah blah that basically fell on deaf ears at that point. I think Nancy wanted to deck him (yeah, I know, no thinking involved...she DID want to deck him, and so did I!). He told us to wait there for a minute while he went to find Mary. He came back within 3 minutes and told me to follow him. He led me all the way to the front of the venue, through a set of doors, down 2 flights of stairs and into a large warm-up room. They had 4 or 5 round tables set up, coffee, tea, water and homemade cookies for the orchestra ready for their break. I truly felt like an intruder. So I did what any nonchalant intruder would do. I quietly paniced on the inside, while staying totally cool and aloof on the outside.

Apparently my tactic worked. The only people who paid me any notice were with the orchestra. Mary came and saw me for a minute, recognized my name and the story I was to read, but she said she didn't have me as a reader for that night. I was ready to run away and never come back at that point. Instead, she said she needed to look into it and could I give her a few minutes. I said sure (what else WOULD I say?). She walked back almost immediately and said, it's really going to be more like 10 or 20 minutes, is that okay? I was cool and said sure, no problem. Then I sat down and started playing with my rings and decided to be a "fly on the wall".

At the other end of the room were the doors that led to the dressing area. There was a table set up with soda and food just on the other side of the doors. Jerome walked in and out of the area a few times, not even noticing me sitting at a table. Perhaps he did, but he didn't say a peep. At one point, I saw Durham as he tried to make his way out of the dressing area to come and say hello, but someone pulled him back and tried unsucessfully to shut the doors.

By this time, the orchestra was taking their break. Sean came in first, getting a cookie and a drink, then went into the dressing area. Jesse came in shortly after. Then one by one, the orchestra members filled the room. Again, no one really paid any attention to this strange woman sitting in the corner minding her own business. I kept listening to as many conversations as I could, hoping to hear tidbits of admiration towards Clay. There were 3 women that seemed to gush quite a bit. I daresay I'm not sure they were part of the orchestra, but it was still nice to hear gushing just the same.

Before long, their break was over and they started to file back upstairs. So now, my 3 minute wait had turned into at least 30. I had honestly lost track of time. Jamie came out at that point and breezed by me and then breezed back, again, not even really noticing me. Before I knew it, I was alone in the room. And then my phone rang. It was my daughter crying because she missed me. Apparently in my Aiken fog, I had forgotten to sing to her the night before and she was insisting at that very moment that I sing to her. So I'm sitting at a table in a room where everything echos. Clay and crew are on the other side of the doors at the end of the room and here I am singing a lullabye to my daughter. I tried to do it quietly, but I might as well have yelled it from the rooftops. I simply prayed no one walked in on my mother/daughter moment.

Finally, another stagehand came out of the dressing area and I decided to stop being a wallflower. I asked her if Mary was around, and if she could just make sure I hadn't been forgotten about. The woman said she would find Mary in a few minutes, but no sooner did she say that when Mary came out of the dressing room. She apologized for making me wait so long. She said that they wanted me to read the following night. She told me to be at the venue at 4:45, then gave me a once over and said, you do have all black, right? I'm not sure if my combination of a dark green sweater and black pants made her vomit a little or what, but I assured her that I did indeed have all black. We exchanged plesantries, then she showed me the way back upstairs and I was off!

Funny thing...it WAS light when I entered the building. By the time I got back to my room, it was 5pm!!!! Time sure does fly when you're trying to blend into the cinder blocks!

The concert Saturday night was wonderful, even if my seat was a bit uncomfortable. I swear they packed us in there like sardines! The chairs were so close together and there was NO leg room.Once Clay hit the stage, there really wasn't a care in the world about the venue. After the show was over, a few of us went back to the hotel and had a couple of drinks at the bar, along with some stale chips and salsa.

Before I knew it, it was Sunday morning. I got up first, took a nice, HOT shower and started to get ready for the longest day ever! Because we didn't have a room at Mohegan Sun (since we were heading home after the show), I had 2 choices. Either put on my black and pray that it doesn't get dirty between the am and the concert or wear whatever I wanted and find a place to change at the casino (or in the car...yeah, right!). I decided my outfit didn't wrinkle easily, so I put it on with a wish and a prayer that it would stay nice all day/into the evening. I even did my make-up in the morning, feeling a bit like a tramp for the better portion of the day as I put on more then usual so I didn't wash out on the stage. Yup, everything was going just as I had hoped. Nice and smoothly. No problems. None at all. All was well. Note: All WAS well.

Rhustress and I live in the same town, just on opposite sides of the lake, so it made perfect sense that she ride along with me to Mohegan Sun and then back to our town after the show. So as soon as she was ready, we checked out and went on our merry way. Yup. All was fine until we crossed into Connecticut. Then it hit me. Well, it hit Rhustress first. She had a wicked case of the nerves and I was doing all I could to calm her down. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. That omelet I had for breakfast. It tasted pretty good in the morning but it was definitely starting to turn on me at noontime. We stopped at the visitor's center just over the state border. I wasn't sure what was going to happen, but I really wanted to be near a ladies room just in case. We took care of "business" and headed back on the road. Rhustress and I started talking again about our foray into Clay's Christmas Card to us all, when she pointed out that the story I told just set the tone for the whole concert. She said if I messed up, it would just wreck the whole show. No worries. Well, joking as she may have been, my stomach did such a lurch! So the very next exit, we were off the road again, this time looking for a Target/Wal Mart or someplace where I could get some supplies. Clearly I had underestimated my nervousness and this problem had to be eradicated IMMEDIATELY!

Sure enough, there was a WalMart at this exit, but it was PACKED! What is with these people? Haven't they ever heard of church on Sunday mornings? Sheesh!!! Just across the street was a Stop and Shop, so I figured that would be a good place to get what I needed. I left Rhustress in the car, figuring she had done QUITE enough to help me already! I walked in and did a quick scope out of the establishment. No sign of a bathroom near the front OR behind the deli where I'm used to seeing them. Clearly, this is NOT good! I walked midway into the front of the store and found the head cashier station, asked her where the bathroom was. She said, "Go into the floral department, go through the door, up a flight of stairs, then allllllllllllllllllllllll the way at the end of the hall." OH good LORD! Did she not see the pained look on my face! I had a case of the gotta goes, and it was quickly turning to the gonna' wents! EEK!

(SIDENOTE: Perhaps I have taken my story a bit too far with a little too much detail, but if you really want to know the TRUE story of what it's like to get to read a story on stage, this is it. The good, the bad, the ugly, the off color, and the extremely hilarious)

Well as luck would have it, God was watching over me yet again and all was once again well. I went back down the stairs feeling somewhat better, but in need of 2 items. A lint brush and Pepto Bismol. I found both items, though it wasn't until I got to the car that I realized my error with the Pepto. What I thought was a bottle of caplets that you swallow with water turned out to be CHILDREN'S Pepto...Bubblegum flavored. ARRGGGGGGG!!!!! Cripes, how many to take? Bubblegum? YUCKO! At this point, Rhustress was in delight at my errors. I on the other hand, was trying to find the bright side, as I put 3 of those nasty things in my mouth to hopefully sooth my distressed abdominal region.

So we were back on the road. It wasn't too much longer before we made our way to the casino. I confess I had one more episode of thinking I needed to stop and stop right away, but it was another false alarm (which is a good thing considering I didn't stop!). We pulled into the garage where I wanted to park and entered on level 2. Of course, I couldn't find a spot near the entrance I wanted to use, so we tried to go up a few levels. Funny thing about that garage. You really can't change levels very easily once you make a decision to park on a level, you need to stick with it. Before I knew it we were exiting the garage and LEAVING the Mohegan Sun Reservation. Oh GREAT! We managed to get turned back around, this time making sure we went up a few levels, finally ending up on Level 4 facing a wall. At this point, Rhustress made her way into the back of my van and changed into her concert attire while I got my stuff together. We headed into the casino, both now in need of that bathroom yet again! Did a quick make-up check and bounced a few quarters off my schlacked hairdo. Yup, it wasn't going anywhere that night! Perfect! I was as good as I was going to get on the outside.

We decided to check out a few stores, pick-up my tickets at the box office that had been reprinted, and then headed for the non-smoking slot machines. About 90 minutes later and $140 poorer, we left the casino to meet the ebayer I had purchased 2 other tickets from. By then, it was getting close to 3:45, so we decided to head back to the box office, figuring the last thing I needed to do was gamble any more and neither of us dared to eat a morsel for fear of seeing it reappear in an unlady like fashion. We met up with a bunch of Clay fans sitting at the box office waiting for floor seats to open up. Sure enough, about 15 minutes after we joined them, the box office had some fairly decent seats. I bit the bullet and bought one last ticket, a floor seat in section 2 row J. It was better then the other 4 tickets I had in my hands already, so I was happy. A family came up and started talking to Rhustress, finally asking about tickets and if we knew anyone who had any. I chimed in and said I have 2 in section 24. They aren't the best seats, but they aren't horrible either. So I handed them the tickets and they were very thankful.

Just after 4pm, my 2 best friends showed up to join in the festivities of the evening. My friend Valerie (yup, there are 2 of us!) had never seen Clay in concert before, so I knew she was in for a treat. Heather came to the JNT05 with me and had also seen Clay when he toured with Kelly. After we talked and giggled together for a little while, they headed off to the buffet, asking if I wanted to join them. I believe the green look on my face was a dead giveaway as to my answer. Of course, I was also pressed for time as the minutes were ticking by and it was getting closer and closer to 4:45pm.

Rhustress and I were starting to get nervous. Not just at the thought of being on the stage but also because there was no one else around that was dressed in all black, the telltale sign that either someone has just said good-bye to all their money or they are reading a story at the concert. At just before 5pm, Trudy showed up, then Nancy finally arrived. Rhustress and Trudy kept talking while I grabbed Nancy and said, let's go take the bull by the horns and go inside. Of course, we didn't get very far inside the door. There were 3 security guards there, so we asked them to help us find Jamie, which they did. She was on her way! We went back out and had Trudy and Rhustress join us inside the outer sanctum and we waited for Jamie to arrive!

Sometime right around 5pm, as we waited inside the lobby of the arena, the doors opened up. Out came Jamie, all smiles and southern charm. She greeted us all with a warm hello. In her hands was "THE BOOK". I took a few minutes just to look at it. It's a very nice leather album. It's embossed on the front and back covers, which for those of you with sweaty hands, it helps give you something to "grip" onto instead of just smooth, black leather. Inside were the 81/2 x 11 sleeves that held the pages of stories to be read.

Jamie opened the book and started to call off our names and the stories we were reading. She didn't get very far though. She got Trudy right off, then she was looking for "Sandy". We all looked at each other. None of us was Sandy and we knew the stories picked were not by anyone named "Sandy". I started to get that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know, the one that had plagued me from the start of this whole adventure. My heart just sank to my toes. This Sandy person was supposed to be reading her story, not me reading the story Cybearsue submitted. I knew it was all too good to be true.

It's funny how that southern drawl works. It felt like hours had passed rather then a few seconds as the confusion cleared. Jamie was saying "Cindy" not "Sandy". You should have heard Rhustress trying to correct her and get her to say "Cindy". Jamie just looked at her and said, "That's what I said. Sandy." My heart went back where it was supposed to be as we all got a bit of a laugh. Yes, the ice had been broken! Then Jamie looked at me and gave a quizzical look, then finally said "And you're Valerie." I could have kissed her right then and there. Instead I just squeaked out a yes! She confirmed Nancy was reading and that was that. No checking our email messages (which I didn't have so I was REALLY glad she wasn't checking). She didn't look at ID's either. It was just so casual! So comfortable! So flipping scary! Yup! That's showbiz!

She talked to us for a quick minute then led us in to the arena. Now I've been to Mohegan Sun Arena for a few shows in my life. I even saw Clay there a couple of years ago. Why the arena looked so much different to me this time I don't know, but it did. Perhaps it was because we were walking down the stairs from the top of the lower level to the stage. I guess I use the term walking very loosely. Jamie, Rhustress, and Trudy almost sprinted compared to myself and Nancy. I was petrified that I would fall down the stairs and break my neck. Nancy's back was bothering her, so we commiserated with one another and took it slowly.

We finally made it down the stairs and across the arena. We stood together at first on the floor by section 14, right by the stage. Jamie said that would be our meeting spot. She then escorted us up to the stage. (Oh great, more stairs! Just what I needed!) We got to the top of the stairs and then Jamie talked about the curtain. She said when it was time for us to walk out, she'd pull back the curtain and that would be our cue to move. She then pulled it back and there it was....the loooooooooooooooooongest walk I ever saw! It was a straight shot, but MAN it seemed like there was the length of a football field between that curtain and the microphone.

I think we all walked out there with mouths slightly agape. Perhaps it wasn't the same wide eyed wonderment a child feels the first time they see the Macy's Christmas window display for the first time, but it was definatly a moment. I looked at Rhustress and I could see alllllllllllll the color drop from her face. It wouldn't be the last time she had that look that night either! We all walked out to the microphone with a warning from one of the stagehands that a piece of the staging was a bit lose and to watch our steps. So now they are trying to pick us off one by one with lose staging! Sheesh!

Jamie continued to talk to us about how things were going to work. She did her very best to put us at ease. Now one thing that people don't know about me is that I do indeed get nervous. How can you tell? Well, let's see....I start to talk and babble somewhat uncontrollably, I make stupid jokes, and sometimes I laugh at inappropriate times. It's downright embarrassing! And then there are my hands. They can go from warm and nimble to cold, clammy and stiff as boards. Can you guess how I was feeling? Yup. Hands were cold and clammy, I couldn't help but giggle every chance I got, and every word out of my mouth was utter dorkiness. And I just couldn't stop myself! SO embarrassing! Jamie must have thought I was mental!

We went through the order and who was to read what. I was going to read first followed by Rhustress. Then in the 2nd half, it would be Trudy then Nancy. Trudy had never seen her story before, so she rehearsed first. Jesse had come out to practice with us, so he was playing while Trudy read and the lighting guys kept yelling "Change" as the lights went from one color to another. She then gave Rhustress a chance to read. In the meantime, Nancy and I exchanged stories of varying amounts of inappropriateness. Anything to look like we were NOT nervous! Then Jamie asked me if I wanted to read. I said I suppose I should, then flipped the book open to blank pages. Yup, my story was NOT in the book. Way to freak me out! No sooner had I said something out came Mary with a copy of my story. I walked up to the microphone and adjusted it to my height, then started to read. No sound. Go figure, the sound guys went on break! I read the first paragraph of the story, then I started to just make stuff up. At that point, I knew no one was listening to me. (sadly, I'd feel that way a little later on in the evening too). I pretty much gave up rehearsing at that point and handed the book back to Jamie.

So that was about it. Jamie was so busy! That woman can FLY like nobody's business. She had to leave us as it was time for her to get Clay for the meet and greet. She said she still needed to fix his hair and make-up, to which I offered to help and she politely smiled at me as if to say, 'this woman is a freak but if I just smile at her, maybe she won't hurt me'. She bid us farewell then said she'd see us at 7:05. Of course we all gave her a look as the show was to start at 7pm. She looked back at us and said something about it's Clay and they never start on time (DUH!)

We all walked back out, Nancy and I trailing way behind Rhustress and Trudy. It was then that Nancy said she was heading up to Lucky's to meet her friend for a drink before the show. I in my ultimate wisdom and nervous demeanor thought that sounded like a wonderful idea. Rhustress and I joined her and off we went. We sat down in the bar and ordered our drinks. I decided to have a beer to help settle my nerves. Perhaps the less wise decision was to also take my medicine on what was now a rather empty stomach. Despite this fact, I felt the need to take my medication as the LAST thing I needed was to be in horrible pain on stage or worse...passing out! So I sipped my beer, took my pain killers and my other medications and relaxed for a bit. We all laughed and joked around. It felt so good to finally feel relaxed. Did I mention the pain killer? and the beer? Yup, I was starting to feel MUCH better. We all made one last ditch attempt at making peace with our inner selves in the ladies room, fixed our make-up, then it was time to head to the arena.

My friends called me saying they were already inside. I told them I was on my way. I left Rhustress and Nancy at this point to get some final words of encouragement from my homie slices Heather and Val. They were more excited then I was! I didn't even think that was possible. Heather handed me her camera and asked me to fix her settings. I did my best, but I know I missed something as her pictures were blurry. Maybe that was just me, but I don't think so. A woman sitting next to them spotted my now obvious clothing choice, the trampy stage make-up, and the slight stench of nervous excitement and deduced that I would be reading. I couldn't hide it anymore, so I said I was indeed reading. She then handed me an envelope and asked if I would give it to Clay. I took it from her and said I'd be happy to (and if you're reading this, you know who you are and yes, I did deliver it to him). I gave my homies a final hug and then walked over to the "designated spot". Rhustress joined me and we began talking, trying to calm each other down by joking about how if we got lost, we were going to start the wave or start doing that arms in the air "heyyy....hoooo" thing to the audience. It was then that Jerome walked by with Trudy. They headed backstage at a rather frantic pace. Jamie came out a few minutes later with Trudy and approached us. She had a request (read command) from Clay that Robyn and Trudy switch stories. It made perfect sense, but even so, Rhustresses face turned the shade of oatmeal and I swore I thought she was going to lose it right there. Trudy was the picture of calm, cool and collected. Robyn was frantic. Her story went from a page and a half to 3 pages in the blink of an eye. Of course she would do it, but only because it was Clay asking her to do it. I offered to switch with Rhustress as my story was shorter, but she promptly cut me off and said "I can't do funny!" We even scanned the audience for anyone wearing black that might be a decent reader, but it was no use.

Jamie then got a copy of the story for Rhustress to peruse during the first half of the show, then Jamie said she needed to go get Clay dressed. Well, my nervousness was not gone yet as I chimed in "Need a hand with that? I'd be happy to help!" I think that one really caught her by surprise. I don't recall her responding to me, except perhaps to back away quickly with a bit of a nervous grin on her face. I could tell if I messed up one more time, I was DEFINITELY going on THE LIST! Oh man!!!!

-Right after Jamie left us, I went to get a cough drop from my pocketbook. Then tragedy struck. Somehow, someway my purse was now attached to my sweater. Panic started to sink in! It weighed quite a bit as I had the official Claymate camera in my purse along with the rest of my LIFE. To have it firmly attached to my sweater was not good. All I could picture was me walking out on stage with this growth of an Old Navy black handbag stuck to my side. HELP!!!! Trudy to the rescue! She worked at that zipper that was stuck to me for a good 5 minutes. She finally freed it from my sweater and what's more, she didn't rip the sweater in the process. Thank you Jesus!

It was finally time. The concert was ready to begin. The security guard allowed us to move out of the way next to section 14 so we were not blocking people's view. Jamie came out and joined us and we all stood together and watched the show. I decided that I had to ask a few questions if for no other reason, to make myself look a little more like a normal, sane person. I think I also wanted to do anything I could to keep my mind off of being nervous. I asked her about the girls dresses and if they had hoops or crinoline. She said it was crinoline.....LOTS of crinoline. I then asked if they ever tripped over it. She said "they haven't yet, but now that you've said it they probably will. Thanks for jinxing them!" Okay, she didn't say that last part, but I swear I heard it. Perhaps that beer and pain killer had an affect after all. Before I knew it, Clay was talking about the past tours. Jamie decided that maybe we should head up to the stairs now (apparently she did notice how slow I was and figured I needed some extra time. She wasn't exactly wrong!) We walked down a newly constructed scaffolding covered in heavy black vinyl which served as a "hall" of sorts that led to the stairs. It was a bit of a tight squeeze, but I went through unscathed. We got to the top of the stairs as he started singing the final song before I was to read. I bowed my head and said a little prayer, then reached down to rub a very sore spot on my leg. Jamie gave me a rather panicked look and I assured her it was just a knotted muscle. She empathized and said she had one of those in her right shoulder. I asked if she ever did anything about it, to which she said she didn't have enough money to have it worked on twice a week. I almost offered to give her a shoulder rub but decided to keep my mouth shut this time. Smart move! About that time, Clay hit a slightly off note. I paused for a second, then asked Jamie if he beat himself up over little mistakes like that. She said he used to, but he doesn't anymore.

The song ended....it was time. I had the book and I was ready to rock and roll. The stage was dark except for a square light surrounding the microphone that I had now locked my gaze upon. Just as I was almost there, I tripped a bit over my own feet (something I hate to say happens all the time). I grabbed the mic stand and managed to make it look like I meant to step the way I did and that I was making an adjustment. What no one else knew was that the last person who touched that microphone had been me and it was right where I needed it to be. I stood there for a split second and began to read. I looked out over the audience and could see lots of people, but no one specifically. I couldn't focus on anyone. I just wanted to read the story. Apparently not everyone was interested. Quite a few people were talking during the story, at least the beginning of it. I found it very distracting, almost to the point of turning myself into "Teacher Val" by saying PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION...there WILL be a quiz later! Alas, I stuck to the "script". After the first paragraph, I felt very much at ease. I heard the conversations drop off as one by one I did my very best to draw people in to the story. I used every ounce of acting ability that I had left in my body to breathe life and fun into the light-hearted story all about fruitcake. I think I succeeded in winning over the audience. I was feeling much better as I ended the story. Then it happened....I closed the book RIGHT NEXT TO THE MICROPHONE....BANG!!!! What a total DORK I am!!! I think my face went totally red as I turned around to leave. I took 2 steps then realized that in refocusing my vision, there was an amp right by my left foot that had I taken one more step, I would have fallen, making a scene unparalleled to any that I had made before at previous concerts. I took a quick step to the right, threw my shoulders back and sauntered off the stage just as quickly as I could. Jamie was waiting behind the curtain with a great big high 5 for me! She was simply beaming. Perhaps I wouldn't be put on THE LIST after all!

She then led me down the stairs and back through that vinyl hallway again, only this time something held me back. I looked and there I was, stuck to the vinyl hallway! There was a HUGE piece of Velcro that had decided it wanted to go home with me! Jamie gave me the most worried look, said something about that being a safety hazard. I turned to her and said, really, it's just a big piece of Velcro. It's okay. She just laughed and unstuck me. She then reminded me to meet her after the concert in the same location. She gave me a quick hug and that was that. The security guards all gave me a handshake and said I did a great job. Trudy gave me a very approving look and a reassuring smile. It was OVER! Funny thing...the ONE person I didn't see AT ALL during the time on stage was Clay! I was so focused walking up to the mic and back that I didn't even think to look over at him, to see if there was a glint of encouragement....of pride....of dismay...of recognition....anything. How could I forget to do that? Oh yeah, I didn't want to fall off the edge of the stage. But still! I am SUCH a DORK!

After the Winter Wonderland medley was over, a guard escorted me to my seat, where I froze for the rest of the concert. My legs would no longer function. A few friends asked me at intermission if I wanted to sit with them a few rows in front of where I was, but I had to decline. I simply couldn't move. I talked to my friends Heather and Val, who called me to tell me I did a great job. I turned to them, caught their eye and just smiled. I can't tell you how much it meant for me to have "family" there. My husband still doesn't know that I had this wonderful experience, and it's now 2 days later! We made plans to meet up after the concert to get some Krispy Kremes and lattes to celebrate the evening!

The rest of the concert was phenomenal. Clay was in command of the stage and everyone around him. He hit notes I have never heard him sing before. Just awesome! And before I knew it, the show was over. I gathered up my stuff, remembered how to stand on my own 2 feet and headed for my friends. We all hugged! They simply loved the show! While they may not be clayverted, they definitely see why I love him so much.

Rhustress, Trudy and I all met by section 14 and waited for Jamie. Security tried to shoo us away, but we told them we were waiting where we were told to wait. Trudy and Rhustress talked and talked. I chimed in every now and then, but decided it was time to be a wallflower again. Jamie came out about 10 or 15 minutes later and led us backstage. We walked past the "Clay" dressing room (a sign that I still wish I had grabbed when I had the chance) and then past the "Backup" dressing room, right into this room that I confess made me gasp as I walked in. There was this mural on the back wall that simply took my breath away. I love Clay dearly, but Jon Bon Jovi....he just makes my heart skip a beat. In this mural was a breathtaking picture of Mr. Bon Jovi that simply made me turn to mush. I looked at Jamie and said, "Would it be really weird if I just went over there and licked that picture?" This time, she laughed right along with me! She said he was one of her favorites, then she proceeded to go over to the picture and air kissed it herself! You GO girl! She then left the room and said she'd be back in a little bit with Clay.

Trudy and Rhustress were talking. Now here is where I need to apologize to them. Remember that nervous thing I mentioned? About laughing at inappropriate times? Well, it happened while Trudy was talking about the last couple of years in her life. It wasn't funny. In fact, it was quite a serious conversation. Unfortunately, I heard Clay talking outside the door and I just started to giggle. Rhustress looked at me completely shocked, saying this is a serious story and you're laughing? I felt SO bad! I couldn't even explain to them why I laughed as Clay's voice had trailed off. I kinda' felt like a puppy that had just peed on the carpet and got it's nose slapped. I must admit, I think I deserved it. Sorry ladies....it was the fangirly in me coming out.

Before we knew it, Jerome came in, with Jamie, Quiana, Angela and Clay. He was in his concert attire minus the jacket and the girls were still in their gowns. He thanked us for reading, giving each of us a handshake. Then he said he didn't know exactly what to say to us since none of us had written the stories we read. He did thank Trudy and Rhustress for changing stories at the last minute. He said it really made more sense to have them read the way they were. Rhustress commented "What, you don't believe I could have kids that are in their 20's?" He laughed a bit, then he looked at me and said "I half expected YOU to SING your story!" Rhustress and I answered pretty much the same thing at the same time, saying "I would have rather done that then read it" He then turned his attention to Trudy and Rhustress and I turned to the girls. We told them how great they looked and Rhustress asked about the crinoline. Quiana lifted up her dress a little bit to reveal the layers of crinoline and a pair of silver flat ballet-type slippers. No heels this time around! Smart girl!

Rhustress focused on Clay again, while I went over to Quiana and Angela, who had moved back a little bit to the center of the room. I chatted with them a bit about their kids, then remembered that my phone was still in my pocket. I whipped it out and started showing off pictures of my kids, to which they said they look just like me. I bragged about them a little more, saying how bloody brilliant my son was (and pointed out the shirt he was wearing which bore the phrase Mr Know It All).

Then it was time for pictures. Clay said he wanted to do cast photos, so he pulled each of us in with him, Quiana, and Angela. He stood to my right with Quiana on the other side of him and Angela on my left. There seemed to be quite a bit of "poking" with hair and rings and bosoms (yes, I said it. Dang things get in the way all the time). Clay put his arm around me and I put mine around him. Then click, the picture was taken. I don't think I smiled though. I hate posing for pictures. Just get me semi-candid and maybe it would be okay. Clay then had to leave, apologized for his haste, but he had another group to meet (I think). He gave us each a hug and I did the one thing I haven't done before. I remembered to say thank you. It may not have meant anything to him, but it meant the world to me to remember and finally say it.

And then it was over. Jamie led us out of the backstage area, gave us all a final hug good-bye and we made our way up the stairs once again. I met up with my friends outside the arena and squealed with delight. Then I whipped out my phone and showed them the picture I took of John Bon Jovi's picture in the meet and greet room. Val was in LOVE! We all headed down to Krispy Kreme, getting stopped every now and then by people who recognized Rhustress and I from the readings. We got our donuts and headed out to the car. The rain was coming down pretty hard at that point, but it looked harmless enough. When we got in the car, the temperature read 33 degrees. I knew that would mean trouble.

By the time we were almost into Massachusetts, the temp had dropped to 30. Rhustress got a phone call from her roommate warning us that the roads in town were all ice. I pulled into their driveway and watched in horror as Rhustress got out of the car and immediately started to slide all over the place. I opened up the back of my van and the side doors to give her more area to hang on to. She managed to get everything easily enough and made her way up the small incline and into the garage. I then carefully drove home.

I pulled into my driveway, shut off the car and started to gather my things. Weird thing....the car seemed to be moving. Nah...it couldn't be. And yet, why am I now in the road? I knew I was in trouble! I restarted the car and pulled back in to my driveway, this time taking caution to cant the wheels and pull into the grass a bit. The car didn't move this time. I briefly contemplated spending the night in my car. After all, I had a pillow and a warm jacket. What more did I need? Nah....I grabbed some of my stuff, including the freshly acquired donuts and my smaller bag, and started that LONG trek to my front door. With a few slips and skipped heartbeats, I made it to the top stair and safely into my house.

The adventure was over, but definitely not soon forgotten