My children had Thursday and Friday off thanks to the NJ Education Convention....

Bonding time... remind me to send them a thank you note. In two weeks it will be Thanksgiving and the children and I will be bonding again. "Lord, please give me the patience to endure my blessings". That sign hangs over the kitchen sink.

I love these children with all my heart. However... they are slowly trying to kill me.

Let's start with the older one... Wednesday night he annouced that he wanted my help ( MY HELP... I'm flattered) with his book report and we will do this on Thursday and Friday. It is now Saturday night and we have nothing done. "Procrastination thy name is Older son". The other day I was picking him up from school he got in the car and told me " Don't start.... I had a bad 8th period". Now since he is a boy I know he is not talking about his 8th menstrual cycle.... he might act like he has PMS but I'm pretty certain about this. Maybe he doesn't want me to start the car... maybe he is attached to the parking place I have. In all my motherhood wisdom I refrain from speaking and out come the words. "I got a 40 on a test". Oh crap... this is bad.... I don't scream but calmly ask " What subject". The answer? Gym class. Excuse me? I really must clean the wax out of my ears. " Did you say gym class?"
Seems my little athlete got a 40 on a written test about soccer. If you love soccer I suggest you stop reading now, if you continue I apologize in advance but you have been warned.

In the driver's seat I laughed so hard I peed myself. My boy flunked a written test on soccer. Since when do they give written tests in gym class and Older son is a sports snob and doesn't even consider soccer a "real" sport. ( I know, I know, it really is a sport and his friends play it, my relatives play it... older son is just an independent thinker - you can all stop yelling now). The boy said the gym teacher didn't even yell at him... his only comment was to the other 2 children who got 40's and PLAY the sport. This might not have been my shiny parenting moment but I could really care less about the 40 or soccer. ( I'm bitter I was always chosen last for the team and have been scared mentally from it).

We were all set to play town basketball... starts in January...he can still keep in shape .... this is good before baseball season. Fine... husband handles the sports thing. Just when I am setting up the calendar to see what nights he would be out... planning accordingly. He is NOT repeat NOT playing basketball. We are playing INDOOR baseball. HUH? Indoor baseball, fake turf, roof over the head in a superdome kind of way. Every Sunday for 8 weeks. I'm still going to be doing uniform laundry. I'm still going to be finding the chest protector, the cup.... you get the picture. To be added on to this... we are starting to train for baseball season every Friday starting January 8th. Not outdoor training indoor training and we need to buy a tee-shirt so that the team can have high self esteem and look good when practicing. This indoor facility is not even in our town so who from town will be witnessing this except the parents - not even all the parent's will be there anyway. Is anyone else beginning to see the madness in this and my ever "even keel" beginning to crack? Who is running this asylum anyway? When Older son is making enough money to support me in my old age then I will be more than willing to buy him a practice shirt that will boost his self - esteem. Last time he had a physical the Dr. checked his self -esteem and said it was fine... it's in his medical records... does the coach want me to get a note? I'm willing....

We can't forget young son .....He is bored beyond belief and driving me slowly to an early grave. My mental capacity has been diminished spending all this "quality time" with him.

I am in a battle of wills with him ... he WILL NOT sleep in his bed. He will sleep in the man cave on the couch, he will sleep in his parent's bed, he avoids his room like the plague. I am beginning to think we should rent it out... he is never in it anyway might as well make some money off this problem. I put him to bed and the language "flows like water" the madder he gets. "I need a hug" "My hair hurts" My toe hurts" " I'm sad" "I'm crying" "I want a kiss" " I need a juice box" .... you name it - he comes up with it. Sometimes for 3 hours at a time. Depending on how much energy he has.

Today he decided that he isn't going to bathe anymore. I told him it was time for a bath and he screamed "NO BATH". Now much to his dismay he will not smell like a goat if I can help it. I am a fan of cleanliness.

We are looking into getting him into a little "social group" so that he can make friends, use his words and become a productive member of society. So we had to have a meeting so that the woman who would recommend us for this program could meet him. Young son decided to give his mother a knotted colon. We were called into the office and he started screaming "NO !!" " I have to go to the bathroom !" He laid down on the woman's couch and sucked his thumb and had his other finger up his nose. Talk about making a good impression. He proceeded to do everything in his bag of tricks to make everything I said about him untrue. I said he was a happy child...he started to cry. I said he didn't have alot of meltdowns....that theory was shot to hell. I said that he listened well... as he tried to climb onto the window ledge. Good thing I have a warped sense of humor otherwise this whole episode may have scared me mentally.

Young son's mission these days seems to be to push me beyond my limits. Push Push Push and when I decide to push back and I assure you I will... he will be spending quality time in his "naughty chair" . After all "when Mama ain't happy ( and this mama ain't happy with his current road of behavior) ain't nobody happy. Just ask my husband. Although I did have a moment of retail happiness and ordered myself a Christmas present off of QVC - but I didn't make my mother happy because I used the credit card that QVC has on file for her. I am paying for the item though. Geez, I am in the trenches here Mom. She however is away with friends for the weekend. She keeps calling me from all the fun places she is..... I so deserve to use that QVC card.

So it's almost time for me to argue with young son and convince him that he needs to stay in his own bed. I will take my anti - anxiety med, some pamprin for the PMS and try to remain calm. He will be yelling... and yelling and yelling. That's okay.... I am feeling the need to push back .

Besides Monday is coming and they will be back in school. Remind me to send the teachers a thank you note for coming back!!

Thanks for letting me rant and rave like the loon I am -

Barb