Everything in life will change at some point. Clay stunned us fans with the news he was gay and going to be a father all in the same year. Granted it was tough to take. I could not be more happy for Clay. I wish him well in everything that he does. Do I agree with the gay lifestyle? No. Do I support that decision? Not exactly. I still love Clay despite his being gay. I love the person that he is/ was/ has been for 5 years. I may not support his choice but I support him. People ask me how I can support a man who is gay. One of my best guy friends is gay. I couldn't turn my back on him because of the decision he chose for his life. I made it cear to him I didn't agree with that decision but I told him I'd always love him and I always will. I am not a homophobe thats for sure. I have many guy friends that are gay. I do not believe I have a girl friend that is gay though. That would be hard to deal with but not impossible.
I pray everyday that God will lead me to an understanding of the gay lifestyle. I want to know how He sees it. I want to know if He truly did make them that way or if it really is a choice. I have struggled with this situation for a very long time. I know that God wants me to love them and that is a very good thing because I could never turn my back on my guy friends or Clay. I may not be a member of this fan club much longer mainly because I can not afford it but I will always listen to Clays music and hopefully attend his concerts someday. I still wish I would have been able to meet him at the meet and greet that one year I was supposed to get to see him.
At the end of Last year I had told all of you that my parents were getting divorced. Well God works miracles and has brought us all back together. Do not get me wrong there are still a lot of tensions between my father and i and my brother and my father. We have been not as forgiving as my mother apparently, My parents are very happy together. My brother and I are still awaiting him to realize that he hurt us too and that he owes us a monstrous apology. I do not believe I will ever get one. I live with my parents and sometimes my relationship with my father is very strained. I try not to ponder on the fact that its been almost a year since he's been back with my mother and I have yet to hear the words "I'm sorry" out of his mouth. Mom said he apologized to her but that doesn't make everything with the rest of his family ok. My mom wants us to be able to all move on and be a happy family like we were before. I'm doing my best to be able to do that for her. I unfortunatly still feel my dad should have to do his part as well. I realize swallowing his pride enough to come crawlilng back to my mother was probably a lot but he has more pride to swallow to make things ok with his children. I love my father we are very capable of having a good time together but there is a bit of tension in the air of things that have gone unattended. Sooner or later they will probably explode and all this nastyness will just come out and bite him in the butt. I pray that doesn't happen. I pray that someday we'll be able to talk about it without fighting and that he will realize that it was because of him that I was moving here to FL in depression. Now I'm down here away from everybody I've ever really known and miserable without my friends. But I feel that God has a plan for me and he's guiding me towards the goal. Where God leads me I will follow. I hope that God can take away this bitterness that I carry and show me the life full of love and joy He has prepared.
I do not usually share a lot of personal stuff on the internet just because of the fact that I don't really know any of you. Maybe I do. Maybe I just don't know that I know you. I have received so much support from all of you in the past and couldn't thank you all enough for your support and prayers. I didn't know that when I became a Clay fan I would have a whole different family of people who cared about me. That is probably one of the best things that has come out of being a part of this fan club. I don't know what I would do without all of you who have prayed for me throughout the past couple years. I owe you! Thank you again!
Have a great day and don't forget to follow your dreams.
Kendy
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